A unique and precedent setting memorial bench was dedicated on July 1st at Mills & Mills Memorial Park in Tumwater (Olympia), WA, recognizing the relationship of a gay couple. Gary Perkins died on June 11, 2005, and his partner, Hal Stockbridge created a black granite bench to honor his beloved partner. It is rare to find monuments or grave markers that give recognition to gay and lesbian partners.
Stockbridge related his purpose, saying, “In my research for designing this memorial, I found that few like this exist anywhere for gay couples. This memorial will be quite special to our GLBT/Family and Friends and the local community as we continue to work towards recognition of loving gay partnerships, both locally and nationally.”
Olympia, Washington (PRWEB) August 22, 2006 -- A unique and precedent setting memorial bench was dedicated on July 1, 2006 at Mills & Mills Memorial Park in Tumwater (Olympia), WA, recognizing the relationship of a gay couple. Gary Perkins died on June 11, 2005, and his partner, Hal Stockbridge, created a black granite bench to honor his beloved partner. It is rare to find monuments or grave markers that give recognition to gay and lesbian partners.
Stockbridge related his purpose, saying, “In my research for designing this memorial, I found that few like this exist anywhere for gay couples. This memorial will be quite special to our GLBT/Family and Friends and the local community as we continue to work towards recognition of loving gay partnerships, both locally and nationally.”
David Biviano, a Diversity Management Consultant and GLBT community activist, noted, “When a husband and wife pass on, their relationship is memorialized for posterity as both their names appear together on the monument or grave markers. However, in the absence of any official documents recognizing gay and lesbian relationships, genealogists, researchers and historians have no record of the committed relationships of members of the GLBT community."
Stockbridge explained further, "Gary’s memorial has both our names, along with a picture of the two of us together. The two Garry oaks planted by the memorial will grow so that its branches will entwine. In this and other ways, this memorial will be a unique symbol of our commitment and love for ages to come.”
Shirley Valentine, stated that as Gary’s mother, she was “overwhelmed by the memorial - it’s just my Gary! - what a beautiful tribute from Hal to my son.”
Kristi Palmer, Family Service Professional at Mills and Mils, commented, “It has been an honor to be involved in this project, the reason lives are remembered for posterity. The memorial bench embraces so much from a loving relationship and deep spirituality.”
Rep. Joe McDermott (D), an openly gay member of the Washington House of Representatives, and personal friend of Gary, noted that “he often visits his grandparents’ gravesites in this cemetery, but had never seen a memorial for same sex couples – now there is a memorial that permanently recognizes Gary and Hal’s loving relationship.”
Anna Schlecht, community activist in Olympia, stated, “This is a real model for how we live our lives and now memorialize our lives together.” Her partner, Sarah Vanucci, added, “it is so clear the love they shared, now made manifest for as long as this memorial is on this earth.”
Many of those who attended the ceremony expressed this awareness of the depth of love represented by the memorial, and the importance of marking the relationships of same sex couples, one more advance in the inclusion of GLBT people in our communities.
The dedication ceremony marked the one-year anniversary of Perkins’ death. More than one hundred people, including a number of elected officials, participated. Deacon Bill Batstone led the group in prayers and used incense to consecrate the memorial and the ground on which it stands. A military honor guard provided full military honors, including a five-gun salute, followed by playing of taps and presentation of an American flag to Gary’s mother, Shirley Valentine of Spokane, Washington. Gary volunteered to serve his country in the United States Army in the 1970s. The memorial is made of the same type of black granite as the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington, D.C.
The memorial has a number of inscriptions on both front and back telling about Gary’s life and about the deep love Gary and Hal shared. On the back is an engraving of two trees growing together, side by side, their branches intermingled. Beneath the engraving of the two trees is a story, which includes the following statement: “The day after Gary died I went to church. After worship a woman stood to make an announcement - she had 500 Garry Oak seedlings to give away. A tree Gary admired, the Garry Oak is the only oak species native to this region and is found in both eastern and western Washington. Like the Garry Oak, Gary lived on both sides of the state, often acting as a bridge in his political, social and work life linking and serving ‘the two Washingtons.’ My friends saw this woman’s announcement as a sign that we should plant Garry Oak trees in memory of Gary.”
The inscription continues: “The two Garry Oak trees next to this bench are dedicated to Gary Michael Perkins. Gary and I were life mates and soul mates for nearly 15 glorious years. Words cannot adequately describe the deep bonds of love and friendship we shared. Gary’s positive attitude and desire to live life to the fullest were an inspiration to many. These two Garry Oaks represent us, our love and our lives; and our commitment to continue to live and grow together for ages to come, long after we have both left this earth. With eternal love and gratitude, Hal Stockbridge, June 2006.”
One observer noted that, “With the creation of this memorial, Hal and Gary’s love and commitment are literally ‘etched in stone’ and will endure through the ages. The memorial is a symbol that their love and their bond transcend this earthly dimension.”
The engraving of the two trees growing together was inspired in part by two 88-foot-tall American chestnuts on the cemetery grounds. These chestnuts, called “the king of trees,” were featured in the May 2004 edition of Discover Magazine. They are documented to be the largest healthy American chestnuts in the United States, planted in 1845 by pioneers from Missouri.
The engraving was also inspired by a large Garry Oak across the street from the cemetery. Over 150 years old, that Garry Oak and others are protected, as Garry Oak (Quercus garryana, also called Oregon White Oak) ecosystems are one of the most endangered ecosystems in western North America. The Garry Oak may become the official oak tree of Washington state under Senate bill SB 6277, introduced in the state legislature in 2006 by Senator Mary Margaret Haugen and Senator Ken Jacobsen, Chair of the Natural Resources, Ocean and Recreation Committee.
Stockbridge explained: “My hope is that hundreds of years from now the two Garry Oaks we planted here for Gary and me will have grown together just as those two beautiful American chestnuts have grown together, becoming a symbol of how intertwined our lives were with each other and of our eternal love. And just as people today can visit the historic Union Cemetery* (see below) a stone’s throw from Gary’s monument, reflecting on the lives of the pioneers buried there, so too I hope people for centuries to come will see Gary’s monument and the two Garry Oaks and reflect on the life, love and accomplishments of my beloved partner, Gary Perkins. It has been over a year since Gary passed away, and the grief is still very intense and painful – we loved each other very, very deeply. We both felt very lucky and shared a very deep and rich bond.”
Ross Gonedridge, a close friend and ski buddy of Hal and Gary who served with Gary on the Board of Stonewall Youth in Olympia, observed: “I was moved by the monument - gay or straight, the sentiment expressed here is so beautiful. Cemeteries capture our history; they chronicle our lives, relationships and families. Hal’s tribute to Gary is itself historic as one of the first memorials about a gay couple. It chronicles their amazing life together, the sentiments they shared towards each other, Gary’s passing and in years to come it will also capture Hal’s passing. That will be another sad day for those of us who are still around, but a joyous reunion for them.”
Other inscriptions on Gary Perkins’ memorial include the names and dates of Perkins’ and Stockbridge’s parents and siblings. Under Perkins’ name and dates is the epitaph:
Gary Michael Perkins
Champion of equality and dignity for all, U.S. Army veteran, journalist, novelist, political strategist, writer for three governors, humorist, Mariners fan, coffee lover, friend
Gary’s motto: “Have fun!”
Another inscription is by Gregory Norbet, of the Order of Saint Benedict: “All I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you.” Still another, linked to the engraving of the two trees growing together, is from Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk nominated by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for the Nobel Peace Prize: “There are hundreds of thousands of stems linking us to everything in the cosmos, supporting us and making it possible for us to be.”
Suggested by Gary’s mother, Shirley Valentine, the monument also includes a poem by a nineteenth-century poet from Seville, Spain, who died at about the same age as Perkins:
“In a brilliant lightning flash we are born and the brilliance still lasts when we die. So short is life.”
Gustavo Adolfo Becquer (1836-1870)
- (footnote): Of historic interest, the Union Cemetery across the street from Mills and Mills Memorial Park is one of only four Washington cemeteries listed on the National Register of Historic Places. Some of the first permanent American settlers on Puget Sound, such as George and Isabella Bush, members of the 1845 settlement party, are interred here. George Bush was a wealthy mulatto who migrated west to provide a better life for his 5 sons. He financially supported many other pioneer families, developed an 800 acre farm, and was said to be “a friend to all in need.” Also buried here is Charles Mason, Secretary of State to Washington Territory's first Governor, Isaac Stevens. He died in 1859 at the age of 29. The cemetery is also significant for the unusual grave markers for a Puget Sound Indian War Volunteer, War of 1812 veteran William Rutledge, and Civil War Veterans. The adjacent Pioneer Calvary Cemetery was the first Catholic Cemetery in the area.
Obituary
Gary M. Perkins, age 45, passed away on June 11, 2005 in Olympia, Washington from cancer related to his Crohn's disease, which he had since age 19.
Gary worked as writer for three governors: the Honorable Mike Lowry, the Honorable Gary Locke, and the Honorable Christine Gregoire. In addition to working in the Office of the Governor for more than twelve years, Gary worked for the state Senate and House of Representatives in several capacities, including as Legislative Assistant to Spokane Representatives Shirley Rector and Dennis Dellwo. He also worked as Public Information Officer for the Department of Agriculture under Jim Jessernig. Having lived and worked in both Eastern and Western Washington, he was familiar with political issues across the state.
In addition to his work experience, Gary took leadership roles in numerous organizations. He was elected President of the Young Democrats of Washington in 1985-a time when the organization was struggling to rebuild-and brought the organization into a leadership role in the Young Democrats of America (YDA), of which he was also an officer. He was the founding Chair of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Issues Caucus of the YDA, a Co-Chair of the Thurston county chapter of Hands Off Washington and Chair of the Harvey Muggy Stonewall Democrats. He also volunteered as a member of the Board of Stonewall Youth in Olympia. In the Office of the Governor, Gary delighted in participating in the Governor's "lunch buddy" program to help schoolchildren with special challenges. He was involved in many campaigns at the national, state and local levels. Gary truly enjoyed his many years of participation in politics and was grateful for the opportunity to serve. He was profoundly grateful for all the love and support of so many family, friends, co-workers in state government, healthcare providers and countless others.
Gary received a Masters degree in 1987 from the University of Montana School of Journalism, having graduated with an A.A. in 1983 from Spokane Falls Community College and a B.A. in 1986 from The Evergreen State College in Olympia. He was born in Omak, Washington and grew up in Tricities, where he attended St. Joseph's Catholic School and public high schools, graduating from Pasco High School. In recent years Gary lived in Olympia.
Gary recently published his first novel, "Closet Governor," which won both the publisher's Editor's Choice Award and Readers' Choice Award and is available from most booksellers. His second novel, a political thriller, is expected to be published in the near future.
Gary was a huge Mariners fan and derived great pleasure from watching Mariners games, even in his last days. He also loved to travel and visited many countries such as China, Taiwan, Fiji, New Zealand, Australia, Spain, France, the Cayman Islands and Cuba, to name a few. Even in just the last few months Gary enjoyed wonderful trips to Rome, Athens and Alaska. He also enjoyed skiing and scuba-diving.
Gary encouraged friends and others to learn about his condition on the website www.garymperkins.com Many friends, co-workers and even complete strangers were very impressed by Gary's ability to maintain a strong, positive attitude, a calm demeanor and his usual delightful sense of humor (often with a focus on coffee) throughout even the most difficult times.
Gary is survived by his life partner of nearly 15 glorious years, Hal Stockbridge of Olympia, his mother Shirley Valentine of Spokane, his brothers Tom, Bill and Dave Perkins and Tom's wife Linda Perkins of Tricities, and his niece and nephews, Kendra, Ray and Olin Perkins of Tricities and Lynn and Chris Perkins of Seattle. Gary’s beloved stepfather Stace Valentine of Spokane passed away shortly after Gary, under the loving care of Stace’s wife, Shirley.
Please consider signing Gary’s online guest book at www.legacy.com .
( Two high resolution photographs of this memorial are available on request and at the PRWeb Photowire website at www.prwebphotowire.com . Search on “Gary Perkins”.)
Contact: Hal Stockbridge
David J. Biviano, 206-930-9981
Where: Mills and Mills Funeral Home, 5725 Littlerock Rd SW, Tumwater, WA 98512 - (360) 357-7743
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